Dear Taxpayer, Your none too humble servants all too rarely express their deep appreciation for all you have done to make America all that it is today. We hope this message will correct that oversight. First and foremost, we thank you for guaranteeing the national credit. We would be lost without it and debt free. We would be a prosperous nation with a government restricted to its enumerated powers. We would have few jobs for our friends and relatives. There would be so few benefits for us we would be forced to serve out of civic mindedness. We would be unable to reward our international friends or punish our perceived enemies, foreign and domestic, if not for your credit guarantee. We thank you for providing us junior taxpayers for the future so we can let you off the hook for the deficits we will continue to run up in your name. For that matter, thank you for your name, in which we do all things. That has been exceedingly helpful. We thank you for assisting us to bully the rest of the world to bend to our will. We thank you for minding your own business and leaving us free to do ours, which really isn't ours exactly. We thank you for assisting us to serve private corporate interests, that will give us well paid jobs should we leave public service and finance our campaigns until then. We thank you for voting and legitimizing the great good we do in your name. We thank you for pursuing pleasure and entertainment, leaving you little time for servant watching. We thank you for responding to crisis in such a panic we can tell you anything and manipulate your mental state. We thank you for taking your news and entertainment from the media we regulate and control. We thank you for sending your children to our schools so we can teach them what is most important in life. We thank you for incorporating when you go into business, making us partners and extending our control. Most of all, we thank you for your general disinterest in the world around you. For all you do, this screw's for you. In Gratitude, Your Hired Servants |
