Yesterday, during a phone consultation with a long-time client, she was telling me the myriad ways that she felt her communication with everyone suffered from her discomfort with speaking in public. She recalled a painful episode in her teen years which left her feeling that she was not entitled to communicate her ideas because her ideas had little originality or value. In fact, she is a deeply thoughtful person whose train of thoughts is unconventional and utterly fascinating. The world would benefit from being exposed to her original and comprehensive viewpoints. With her permission, I jotted down some of the problems she was encountering along with the remedies I suggested. I will present them here, from time to time, as things you may want to give some thought to. In conversation with her husband, she seemed never to get to the point of her ideas. She was afraid that if she took more than a milli-second to articulate her thoughts, her impatient husband would simply tune out and walk away. It's happened before. I suggested that she prepare her important personal communications in much the same way I teach clients to prepare their speeches. (Let me switch now from talking to her to talking to you, personally.) The point of this preparation is to clarify thoughts and give you a framework on which to hang your entire conversation. And as you practice this technique you'll find that you gain a tremendous amount of confidence simply by being prepared, rather than flying off by the seat of your pants into what could be a life-changing talk. 1.Before having an important conversation, sit down in a quiet place and write down the three most important points you want to talk about. Yup, only three. 2.Write one or two sentences about each one. 3.Now choose the most important word of each point. 4.Then choose the most important phrase. Work with that word and phrase to modify it to make it clearer, stronger, more persuasive, more whatever it is you want to make it. 5. Decide which of your 3 points is actually your most important. (Sometimes as you do this exercise your focus will change. If it seems valid, go with it.) 6. Support each of your 3 important points with a short paragraph. 7. Put it all together and make any changes you want to make. 8. Practice it OUT LOUD! This is probably the most difficult step of all for someone who is shy of speaking, but it is crucial that you do this. You don't want to be surprised by the sound of your own voice saying these things you feel deeply. Yes, I know this is a lot of work. But what you probably don't realize yet the huge payoff you'll enjoy.
Once you feel organized and can clearly see the validity of your communication your confidence will take a welcome leap. And as you practice this technique for many different circumstances it'll come more easily and naturally. People respect someone who thinks succinctly and communicates clearly. You'll enjoy being the recipient of that respect! Live in wonder and joy! |
