Imagine for a moment that wherever you went, whatever you did, people kept telling you, you could improve. Driving the car and when you arrive at your destination this person sits up in the back seat and says," You need to improve the use of your rear view mirror". Sitting on a train commuting to and from work and as you get off the train a person says, "You have to work more on your eye contact". Walking in the street and just as you reach a department store a person says, "In my opinion you don't pay enough attention to what is going on around you and you never say good morning to anyone". Get the idea? You would soon be on the floor afraid to move, afraid to assert yourself in any way whatsoever. Why is it that we have to keep people down and keep them focussing on their weaknesses? Why are we so obsessed with mediocrity? Just look at the other side of the coin for a moment. What happens if instead of focussing on your own and others limitations you focus on their skills? What would happen if next time you meet someone you focus on the things they are good at rather than their weaknesses? What would happen if next time you go for coffee with a friend or colleague you spend time discussing the skills of people around you rather than their weaknesses? Because sure as eggs are eggs the more you talk about weaknesses and use those wonderful words, "you can't", "your not good enough", "you should", "you ought", "if I were you" you are giving someone a model to live by. You are suggesting that what they have at present isn't good enough. They need to change to the world you live in because perhaps you can't work out how they can survive in their world. In other words you are robbing them of choice. You are stopping them from choosing how they want to live. Perhaps more can be gained if we all learn to accept differences and instead of trying to force everyone into our round hole we give them the space to find their own niche in the world. After all it's our strengths that make us different. It's our strengths that make us unique It's our strengths that give us the potential of being absolutely great. Absolutely, extraordinary in the world. It's strange but when we talk to friends about other people's strengths it also makes us feel good. It gives us energy. You see if you focus on developing strengths then you are focussing on what the person enjoys doing. Therefore the energy, effort and enjoyment is released. So take just a minute and ask yourself: What are my strengths? What am I really good at? List 5 things you are really good at and enjoy doing. Not 5 things you do easily 5 things that you are really good at, enjoy doing. Now be very brave and ask a loved one to tell you the strengths they see and experience. How did that feel? Now how could you use these skills more? How could you develop these skills? You see the choice is yours. You can wrap yourself up in other people's expectations of you OR you can really follow your own path. As Kathy Buckley wrote in her book: If you could hear what I see: Learn to use what you have Instead of worrying about what you don't. Good Luck Graham and Julie www.desktop-meditation.com |
